The Pianist.

letting go.

2009-10-03T20:58:00.002+08:00

I should know you enough to understand the fact that i'll never be your cup of tea no matter how long no matter how hard.
Its just, loving you and having you around are basically two very different matters.
To love you, and yearn for you is not something i can control, at least not easily.
But can I be just this selfish to say that i want you around, regardless of who you are to me?
i dont want you to be the kind of friend who steps into my life and leaves at some point in time.
you may think the reason i want you around is because of how i feel about you.

Well, perhaps. That reason and so many many more.

Fame - Try

2009-09-29T22:24:00.005+08:00

If i walk would you run
If i stop would you come
If i say you're the one would you believe me
If i ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe i'm not ready

But i'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

god im hooked to this.
Now i HAVE to watch fame because of this song.
haha

great time, great show

2009-09-28T23:39:00.002+08:00

how do you describe what this feels like. a day of breaking rules, breaking more rules.. killing ants and killing more ants.
its like, im totally numb to the fact that i have to suddenly book in tml to sign 3 extras for nothing.
its like, totally ecstatic, euphoric..
is this how being high feels like?
but its been almost 24 hours since....

great wind, great time, great show, great company.
yet somehow when i think about it i cant pinpoint anything spectacular, anything but...
what on earth is this feeling.

270909

i know i shouldn't be feeling this way, not after so much and so long.
but i just can't help it...
to put it simply, it makes even breaking the law feel so right.
someone kill me.

skinny's wedding

2009-02-23T08:35:00.020+08:00

great weekend... anyway i haven't blogged for a very long time.. must be really having an easy life in tekong.. haha.. watching tv every night.. dream catchers.. lol. i haven't been calling home as frequently as before either. =x opps.

key events: skinny's wedding!!
date: 22nd Feb 2009
Time: Full Day Event

well skinny's my... how to say... aunt or cousin?? ok heres the case. RIGHTFULLY, she's my aunt, my mum's cousin... BUT. she's 33!! thats like... more like my cousin rite?!! well.. thats what happens when you have big families.. like peini ( my real cousin) who's 23 this year and jeremy ( also my real cousin) who's about 28 this year.. and then i have uncles like martin who's 27 this year.. ansen who's less than 30?? gosh.. wierd wierd... ok i prefer to address them as cousins.. haha.. and so do they.. it only SOUNDS RIGHT XD

anyway uncle wei toon ( above) aka cartoon was the super uber LUCKY man who is our latest addition to the family.. haha.. perhaps the reason why i can call him uncle with ease is because i haven't been brought up calling him 'korkor' or something.. so yeap..

it was a great event, starting from morning.. haha. went over to yin's place.. 2nd bro wasn't around because of sitest :( and 3rd bro went for tuition.. so i was there with peini.. and of course we started taking pictures.. haha

thats us with prince, the household dog and so called page boy aka dooropener for the morning event.. i missed the part where he opened the door!! must have been so cute larr.. anyway he had a tie on, though missing in the above pictures.. well.. erm.. not really a fan of dog clothes so yea.. haha.

me and peini ( cousin)

the groom came on time.. but we were not ready, so we asked them to go another round around the neighbourhood. =.= and then when we were finally ready, they were LOST in the neighbourhood =xxx haha.. hilarious.. but eventually they managed to find their way..

susanne (yin's sister) was terrible!! made cartoon and his best men do lots of funny stuff.. and kept rejecting the angbao.. poor aunty jenny ( actually grandaunty. =x) was so anxious to get her daughter married that she kept scolding susanne.. hahaa.. such a funny scene.. in the end the best men had to put on some disposable underwear, sing songs and cartoon had to do push ups while promising 5 things.. well.. one of them was GOING TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. gosh.. for a non believer to say this, he must really love her.. haha. bless him.

anyway it procceeded.. i guess i don't really have to go into such details..
about 1 we left for the church, trinity methodist at serangoon.. there was some minor screw ups on the caterer's side.. but still we got those sorted out.. talked with ansen and martin at the basement while awaiting the pastor's car... in the end the wedding was almost starting and we decided not to wait any longer.. thank goodness he turned up right on the spot. young man... well..

the flower girls and page boys were sooooooo cute!! haha.. the first girl was so afraid.. and she just looked totally adorable walking down that aisle with her younger bro.. didn't manage to get any pics though.. the second girl, slightly older, was also scared.. then came my cousins jarrell and jannell... haha.. and im so proud of them because they were so confident.. but i guess since they have been brought up in SUCH A FAMILY its hard not to.. haha..

anyway the church wedding:

yeap.. after the rather wierd vows.. which included something about flesh and blood and nothing about lawful husband and wife.. =.=

oh and i found this scene TOTALLY CLASSIC!

see the page boy and flower girl in the background?? hahaha.. they must have really been totally shag out.. lol.

anyway it was a beautiful wedding dress.. but it was too long!! gosh!! yin was like trying to pull it up a little when whe was walking down the aisle.. haha.. we were all laughing.. but i guess thats the way our family is.... her face was also like.. half laughing half omg kind.. lol..

then came dinner.. omgomgomg.. it was at sentosa cove can!!! like.. wa.. everything else normal but suddenly dinner so lavish..

by the sea.. woots...

dinner was really good.. especially the soup.. not the traditional shark fin.. but BABY ABALONE WITH BLACK CRAB AND FISH MAW!!
totally the best ive ever tasted.. but i heard just the soup alone is 100 bucks per pax. =.= hate to think how much the whole dinner will cost. =x

anyway random pics:

the twins and their brother ( my cousins):

and the after party ( by my family's side of course):

battle of the sexes in which side can yum seng the loudest.. hahaha.. at least cartoon was hyped enough to join in the craziness of our family.. hahaa.

and the finale kiss

cannot break till we finish our yum seng.. haha.. i think they were drooling by the end.. =x opps.. hahaha.

all in all, it was fun to see so many relatives around and learn of what they are doing now.. uncle rick's son is seriously soooooo cute la! haha.. chubby cheeks but very slim and sharp features like uncle rick.. then there was yinwei's second son.. who is shy to cry in front of others though he is only 9 months old.. haha.. can see the face when he tries not to cry.. undescribably cute..

uncle dick's new girlfriend ( china lady) is seriously siao la.. totally high.. heard she drank 7 glasses of red wine.. and went around shrieking and laughing and hugging everyone.. =.= pissed my mum and grandma.. hahaha. heard they are getting married at the end of the year =x hate to visualise that..

uncle mick's new girlfriend.. urmm.. how to put it.. he is 40.. and the girlfriend is what.. 18??!! like.. wth.. heard she's a philipino and is currently in sg studying on mick's sponsership.. ah well.. he says he's serious about her.. see where that goes.. he has a son too with his first wife.. BTW. lol.

anyway im sooooo proud of my family.. its like when susanne and rick went upstage to give their well wishing speech.. it totally trashed those from weitoon's side lar.. plus our super hyped family's support.. we seriously totally owned them.. haha.

as auntie loo lin said, the cousins have something in common: they are loud, beautiful and confident.. haha.. so true not only of them but of so many of us in the family..

weitoon's side is really.. urm.. how to say.. not sporting?? well.. lets just put it this way... im glad its cartoon getting married to yin than his other stoned brothers..

in her talk, susanne questioned whats so special about yin and toon.. i guess we all know how yin's special since she's practically the livewire in the family ( as rick said) plus she's sooo confident, enthusiastic and everything else.. but one thing i sincerely feel about toon that susanne did not say is that he is really what a family man should be. regardless of his terrible fashion sense and nerdy look.. he is someone whom.. just one look at, you know he can be trusted to be a solid platform and a loving husband to support a family.. so i guess thats how special he is.. because regardless of how overpowering and confident suyin looks, the both of them just looks so right together..

hence here i shall wish them a blessed life together, everlasting love for each other.. and
cartoon, welcome to the family.

ha. :)

gatherings.

2009-02-01T15:52:00.005+08:00

visitng for cny carried on ytd.. went to this SUPER UBER DUBER big house along frankel... owned by.. lets see... my grandfather's cousin's daugther's husband. so that makes my mother and that aunt second cousins.. and makes me and their little kids.......... third cousins. is there such a thing? haha.. anyway there were three big groups of families there ytd.. my grandfather's ( meaning my family and my direct uncles and aunties), my grandfather's sister ( includes billy koh wan liang, campus superstar judge!!) and my grandfather's cousin's family ( whose daugther owns the house). ok super confusing... and suddenly i have....... 7 new cousins.. and my bro knows one of them from tuition.. haha.. how cool is that.

dinner was ok.. well, the host was vegetarian, even though they are seventh-day adventist... haha.. healthy reasons according to my mum.. but of course we had other food.. i still feel so sad for kevin, fiona and tammy.. since they are sort of 'forced' into being vegetarians.. lol. =x and well.. house has NO TV ( tv spoilt) and.. well.. i don't know! dosen't look very stayable =x

but they are all-right kids.. we get along quite well.. in fact better than we expected.

thats us.. haha. minus peini.. she was latest to come and earliest to go.. grr..

went to the park to play sparklers... josh tried his rocket thing. and we were busy distracting their dog, pepper, from this super big fat cat... then tried to bring the dog down the slide.. climbed to the top of the monkey bar.. flipped over the vertical steps.. monkey bar challenge.. bla blah... sort of missed the feeling of going to a playground since the last time i went to one was when i was very young... pity.. miss those days. perhaps i should start hanging out at playgrounds more often.

thats us on top of that monkey bar.

all in all.. we had fun.. especially josh's question and question game.. haha.. that is totally an awesome game. apparently they got that from 'whose line is it anyway'

so well.. uncle billy koh wan liang was like pretty lost about who's who.. and all that.. should have managed to clear that up in the end.

thats the family... its like.. so many of use. haha.
from now on i'll have three VERY GIGANTIC families to visit during the cny season.
woots.
love that...(:

anw back to camp tonight.. cos duties tml means i miss 1st day of sitest.. whoohootsss!!
there goes 12km... not missing it a simple bit. ha.

just can't book out freqeuntly enough. lol.
gtg.

:)

2009-01-27T21:24:00.002+08:00

great cny this time around. though quite a number of ppl i didn't get to meet due to my time schedule ( having to be back in camp.., grrrr)

anyway sarah's in NTU accountancy too!! haha.. actually.. double degree.. urrgghh.. such coincidence. talked a little during the gathering.. she's still as ahem* anti-social.. haha.. like mother like daughter.

daniel, carolyn and a few other uncles and aunties are going to bali in july!! too bad i can't join them because of. urm. SAF commitments. damned.. nvm i'll be there in 2010! sabah still on?? hahaha.. oh and the great greatest thing is that dan and carolyn are planning to work in sg in the future!! woots! how great is that.. haha.. my closest cousins finally coming to singapore.. perhaps then we will be able to continue the yearly cny family traditional gatherings in sg instead. haha..

of course they will have to finish their studies first -.-

carolyn was telling me about how they could actually bribe their way to passing their driving liscence over in the peininsulla.. crap. to think i spent almost 2k on mine..

anyway it was totally awesome to catch up with all these cousins.. hahaha.. theres just.. so many of them back there!! its not that i don't have cousins on my mum's side.. just that... urmm... not really close and age gapp.... well lets put it this way. im a little old.. hahaha.. which reminds me!! i'll be 20 this year!! hahahaha.. is that like cool or what.. i don't see how being 20 can be such a miserable event.. haha.. love the 20s..

oh and i missed the swimmer's gatherings again.. sorry ivan for missing your bday party too. :( not the right time... and jon.. sorry i couldn't go for the cny cum farewell party for you.. but i'll see you on tekong. HA. can we like meet meet meet.. soon soon soon again?? =( i miss the days in sispec where i could drop by ntu on my night offs to catch up with friends.. theres really nothing much in the east that can beat that.. haha.

anyway further updates: i've decided to forgo psp and go with itouch instead.. seems more useful and interesting.. saw the little kids in segamat getting sick over the little psp gadgets.. that seemed to help me make up my mind.. and also i've decided to enrol for sailing courses in march.. i know there goes almost 500 bucks.. but i'd rather spend it on stuff like that then leaving it lying in my account where i could 'unintenionally' spend it all O.O

well at least im spending my money on the right things. =D (consoling) will sign up this coming weekend. no time to do it now.

haha.. im still pretty excited about uni life.. since i actually know quite a substantial number of people in/will be in NBS already.. arrgghhh why do i still have 1 year left to serve.... zzzz

to be with you

2009-01-09T22:58:00.002+08:00

And when we finally meet, I'll know it's right.
I'll be at the end of my restless road.
But this journey, it was worth the fight.
To be with you, just to be...

Holding you for the very first time, never letting go.
What I wouldn't give to feel that way.

Oh, to be with you...

Oh, and I can't imagine two worlds spinnin' apart
Come together eventually.

And when you're standin' here in front of me,
That's when I know that God does exist.
'Cause He will have answered every single prayer.
To be with you,
just to be with you.

David Archuleta

the lyrics is just sooo beautiful. i realise i learn something new everyday. like i just realised the existence of this song, and that archuleta is such a talented and pure singer. this song is perfect in so many ways.. from the accompaniment to the tones and the lyrics, that all plus archuleta's voice of course...

while david cook is brilliant in his own ways.. i guess you can't really compare them two since they sing two very different genres of music and sing them so well. best season of american idol.. i believe they will never be beaten.

and i also realised i've put 3 of archuleta's songs on my imeem playlist for my blog unknowingly... first was 'crush'. then 'a little too not over you'.. now this.. another song that sounds really nice will be 'running' but i'll save that for another day.

next week field camp confinement. means i'll miss the swimmers gathering again:( haiz.

2009

2009-01-02T16:53:00.007+08:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

somehow this year dosen't seem like a 'new year' at all. perhaps its because i spent new year day in the falcon company office doing duty. or just the part of 'school opening' missing from this chapter in my life. nothing spectecular that i know is going to occur in 2009.. no olympics, youth olympics, F1.. bla bla.. well i guess its just another year passing by.

yet 2009 marks very significant point in my army career: 14 MONTHS to ORD! haha.. cant wait actually.. even though i find taking recruits rather interesting. 2010 will be a bang. much much louder than 2009. looking forward to it:)

2008 has been full of ups and downs. recalling back to the times at nestle, bitching with those office ladies, especially kit.. and doing receptionist jobs for the sake of it. haha. thats was fun. totally. i'd go back anytime to pick up a temp job but i still think that old malay uncle's got the best job in the entire nestle =x

then there was enlistment. army. many periods of low, demoralised, unmotivated times.. managed to pull through BMTC thanks to my fabulous section.. and my buddy weiliang. up till now i still think he is my best buddy, because of all the times he stood up for me. thanks.

best section ever. viper P2S1. buddies for life.

sispec BSLC was a sudden change for the better. better accomodation. better treatment and all. there i felt more hopeful, since the course was only 8 weeks and there was a chance at a better life. plus.. a very INTERESTING platton.. haha. B C Choo.. damn idiotic guy. never will forget that face. then george with his parapara dancing and sky with his totally hilarious and cmi imitations. hahaha. lau yiwei the bus driver.. tay wei kiang, big head small brain... and of course sgt jaijendra, an oh-so natural comedian.. and a very very good section commander. pity he's leaving the force soon.

ASLC was again somewhat of a low. just the realisation that i've been condemned to infantry sucks totally. but i learnt to cope with it. to find joy in the trainings and all. ASLC was alot of ups and downs. trench digging.. and finally taiwan. looking back.. i wonder why i was so reluctant to go to taiwan then, for it has been a very enriching trip. of course the sgts.. matthew, andy and dennis have been very helpful and sincere to my coping in ASLC. and to make my stay there so enjoyable. can never thank them enough.

top: Graduation parade on 21st Nov 2008. Platoon 4 Section 1 Golf Coy.
bottom: Same section at ROC, Taiwan training.

and now falcon. BMTC instructor. really glad that i could click with all the old specs and new specs in the company, even though the OC and officers are rather screwed up. okay. that was an understatement. haha. jk. but really i feel the specs are doing an extremely brilliant job in taking care of the company.

that was all part of my army experience that i have come today to appreciate and accept as a very rewarding and meaningful chapter in my life. i once felt that it was a waste of time to spend 2 years in army. but now i've learnt better. its part of building up character + appreciating the little things in life + the enriching and unparalleled experience of being a soldier that many in other countries can only dream of and watch in shows. all of it, worthwhile.

other than army, 2008 also brought about a drastic change to my lifestyle and habits. suddenly, i have to wake up at 5.30 am every morning... sleep at 10-11 at night. also.. the time outside camp for my social life was drastically decreased. as such i had to plan to high precision what to do on my precious weekends, who to meet, when to meet. and all. its was a tough change. but i believe the worst is over. haha.

anyway, i've read many who have set new year resolutions for themselves. i feel its rather redundent though. since i have been setting resolutions all year long. however for the sake of a "NEW YEAR" resolution, i shall set some.

firstly. i want to start training up myself. intensity training. i just realised this morning as i ran to catch the 8am ferry out of tekong with derek that my stamina and running ability totally SUCKS now. i have to work extra incredibly unbelievably hard if im going to get gold for the next ippt. keeping my fingers crossed =x

secondly. kayaking 1star/2star. finally found someone who dosen't have a star and wants to take it: kannu!! great lets go get it. then join zhihao and amir to take 2 star later in the year. oh and did i say i wanted to take up sailing? hahah. i hope that comes true too.

thirdly. i want to make an enormous attempt to start getting together with old friends. lately ive been rather reluctant to meet up with others because of my packed schedule and army. however i met jq at camp. just enlisted! mayb will get together with them someday soon. and well.. 1006 gathering on the 10th jan should still be on. but i haven't seen the SWIMMERS for agess... where are you guys!! arrgghh..

fourthly. studying is going to start soon. prep for my accountancy course. and i may also be giving tuition for mathematics soon. weekends. secondary level. anyone got students to reccommend?

well thats all that i can recall as of now. will add on to it as i get on with it.

just a few messages to very speical people in my life.
the swimmers

i have been looking through the photos of our past gatherings and realised that never once had attendence at any of the gatherings been full :( we should meet up more. ivan slacker, please go arrange. thank you.

glendon: hey you happening kid. see you've been hanging out at the clubs very frequently these days. armour treating you damn well i guess. haha. haven't seen you for ages. must really find some time to meet up ok.

ivan: slack ivan, what can i say. whole day planning of ways to chao keng in camp. go do some part for the nation la idiot! anyway camp got so many guys for you to gay with. you should be happy. lol. go up pes!! haha. c2l9. loser. lol

emo jon: going to enlist already right? stop thinking of ways to change your pes status already. you're an exact opposite of ivan. haha. so up for what. well. stay optimistic for army. and i believe you'd do well for your As too. stoop worrying anymore! you've got it! haha. call me if you going for any open houses =D

shoe: hey stop shopping! ok. haven't seen you guys for sooo long. why cancel the christmas thing lar. @%#^@!$. haha. anyway when you bringing daniel to meet us. haven't OFFICIALLY seen him yet. lol. hahaha.

huimin: hows your leg. see la. run marathon until bai ka already. lol. anyway aren't you taking abit too much activities at the moment? what hall swim team captain, then biathon.. plus your moe scholarship in chemistry?? hey don't kill yourself. hurhur.

suechee: i bet you did like extremely well for your exams. haha. don't bluff. and i think you swim faster than me now! shit. im going to start training. ask the team to leave a vacancy for me ok. or should ask song loo.. opps :X shouldn't say it so loud here right. haha. got it. =p meet up soon. i want to hear the progress. haha.

then theres the others:

cassie: mei.. didn't mean to dao your new year sms. haha. just not in the mood to reply to any of them. i didn't reply to all! i swear!! haha.. anyway hope you did well for your A's... really want to find sometime to meet up with you to catch up but i know better with that uberly jealous bf of yours. =p haha. jkjk. im sure he will be alright with it. lets meet up anyway! haha... go watch movies. i haven't been to the cinema for ages.

xue: hey. haven't talked to you in ages too. guess i've been really busy and my schedule's been super hectic. and you have an array of programmes to keep yourself uberly busy yourself. many things happened last year. all i can say is thanks for being such a great friend. i know its very hard to talk as often as before given your university schedule and my army life ( plus you being in the west side 5 days a week while im in the east 5 days a week =.=), but i really do hope to keep in touch. some way or another. anyway. glad to see you so blissful.. really happy for you :)

ok. thats about it. wow. thats a very long entry. yawnz. sleepy already. didn't sleep much ytd night. lol.

christmas once more

2008-12-26T18:31:00.002+08:00

realised i haven't blogged for a very long time. perhaps the same amount of time i've been confined on an island called tekong.

today in quite of a rush since i have to book in tonight. the whole december/jan timetable for BMTC school 1 is rather screwed up, resulting in alot of weekends burnt and me not being able to keep my appointments with my friends. terrible.

overall i wouldn't grade this christmas as fantastic nor terrible, since it dosen't feel like its actually here. you can't penalised whats not there right? haha.

tekong has been hectic, busy, crazy, screwed up and everything else. yet they may be a silver lining to that, because it limits me from thinking about too much of any otherthing else. its like.. the recruits, what they do, their screw ups, and all the other shit they caused us can totally shag me out in one day. how im apologetic for my previous sergeants when i was a recruit. oh wait, i shouldn't have been any problem at all. ha.

didn't get to meet up with the swimmers this christmas. quite a pity.. haven't seen them in AGES. don't worry jon i'll meet up with you at least once more before you enlist next year. haha. well well.. hopefully will get to meet the swimmers soon.

i feel im sort of losing my social life.. haven't went out with anyone for ages. blame the screwed up bmt system.. but i've sort of gotten over it. my schedule just needs to be tweaked and changed to suit that problem.

as for now. its back to basics once more. booking in tonight. for some change of command shit.
bye.

sometimes i feel like im avoiding you. i cant help it.

whats with the LISTS??

2008-12-08T20:45:00.002+08:00

i don't know. seriously.

i just reread the past 2 entries and realised i have been using alot of lists. lol. well. its an organised way to plan stuff. haha.

but i think its kind of lazy.

=x

cash-strapped.

2008-12-08T19:50:00.003+08:00

well. as fate will have it i DO have an intake on the 12th.. meaning i'll be confined on the weekend of the 13th and MAYBE the 20th.. =( that means:

1. i'll miss the swimming gathering on the 13th.

2. i'll miss the class gathering on the 20th.

3. i'll miss the swimmers christmas dinner on the 20th.

man this sucks. big time. =(

well im still hoping that i should AT LEAST be allowed to book out on the 20th. even if its just for one day? =x keeping my fingers crossed. and i need to shop for clothes for the swimmers christmas gathering. dress colors: green and red. =s oh and a christmas gift for gift exchange. lol

anyway i have done up a list of things to be bought, and their level of priority, since every item exceeds a hundred bucks and takes me one salary to pay for it. =.=

to-buy list:

1. portable dvd player with tv tuner/ lcd tv ( haven't decided which is a better investment.)

2. nokia E51 ( since can surf wireless.. lol. bluetooth + infrared also.. my present phone is $%#$%)

3. itouch (optional if i can get E51 before that since the wifi is the only thing i want out of this item)

4. hip-hop dance classes ( since long long itme ago. but haven't found anyone to go with)

5. sailing / kayak first star course ( kayak not because i don't know how... but because i want to take the further stars!! without 1 star its impossible. lol. =x)

6. PSP (this is last since the prices now are horrendously ex and im waiting for it to drop)

so lets see.. 6 things on my to-buy list = 6 months pay burn.. o.0 all to be done within the remaining 14 months of my NS life.. hopefully i do that.

oh and one more thing to do during my ns term:

buy over xueli's books and START STUDYING FOR NTU ACCOUNTANCY. hahahah.. important important important. must do well. lol.

anyway i plan to start giving A maths / E maths tuition during my weekends. but i haven't decided when to start nor started looking out for potential students because i have to get my foundation proper first. as such. im RE-studying sec3/4 A and E maths.. haha... at least thats something to do other that reading in camp. lol.

oh and then i have one more final list to add to this entry. mmmm.. i just realised i have ALOT of lists in this entry.. must have something to do with christmas coming up.
anyway. upcoming events for 2009:

8th Jan - bro's enlistment

24th-27th Jan - chinese new year. going back msia with father and uncle.

5th feb - cassie's bday

21 feb - AUNTY suyin's wedding ( don't know to address her aunty or sis cos by right shes my aunt but i've been calling her sis the day i was born as she's only 10 years older. o.0)

that last one reminds me of one more thing. ive got to start shopping for clothes for the wedding! got some colour theme kind of thing. guys: white/grey/silver. -_- girls:lilac. like.. what la.. zzz. anyway shall shop to see what i can find. i'll TRY my best to stick with the colour code.

anyway i hope i'd be allowed to drive to msia.. haha.. should be quite interesting. but its a long journey though. o.0

FINALLY. i have a very simple christmas wish this year:

i want to do everything on the list above and for that i need ALOT ALOT of money!! hahah.

im joking. lol.

back to camp againn.....

2008-11-30T20:17:00.002+08:00

back to another long week of lectures and lessons back at BMTC.. this is kinda torturous ( though those in guards will probably mock at this right now. o.0) anyway its really just trying to stay awake for tons and tons of lectures, lectures after lectures.. zzz

anyway i realised i haven't went out with friends for AGES... except for the trip to chevrons on sat morn (totally work related and not out of volunteerism), i haven't been out since.... the week i came back from taiwan???! thats like... gosh, almost a month.. but that should end pretty soon, even though i haven't got any appointment next weekend ( there a ben n jerry fest!!!! anyone interested? sms me. haha. ) tried asking the swimmers to go but shu's not free and i didn't really ask the rest after that.. some of my section mates are going for the fest with their girlfriends.. the rest not interested. -_- anyway will see how about that.

even so, there is pretty much to look forward to. thats if

1. i will not be taking any batches till jan
2. if i do take, the OC of my company is nice enough to let me off on the weekends. o.0

anyway.. lets see

13 dec: swimmers gathering. venue not confirmed.
20 dec: 1006 class gathering. settlers, time not confirmed.
27 dec: swimmers christmas party. venue and time not confirmed since im supposed to be the one planning -.-

well. that makes up 3 weekends.. hopefully i'll be able to make it for them all... :)

anyway christmas is coming up pretty fast.. i was wondering if i should send christmas cards out.. but i'm pretty lazy about that.. since a few years ago. =x yeapp... hahahha.. too bad i cant be around much to take in the holiday spirit as i will be in camp for 5 days a week ( if they don't insist on 5 and half days like they keep emphasising) lol.
i still hope that one day i'd be able to spend christmas ( maybe a couple) overseas.. somewhere where its snowing.. and people singing carols.. going to those grand cathedrals around europe for their christmas services.. haha..
also.. i realised christmas is getting abit 'colourful' nowadays. =x what happened to white christmas'es??? =( hahaha.. is that being traditional or just very picky? o.0

oh btw... since my camp is now in the east ( VERY FAR EAST) all my nights off is resulting in frequenting areas like changi.. pasir ris.. simei.., tamp.. maybe bedok.. so lets see.. everyone i know is studddyyingg... IN THE WEST. huh. silly gosh.. no wonder they say sergeants in tekong just don't bother going for nights offs... -_- good for max though since his girlfriend goes home to tampines every night.. school or not.. hahaha.. bad for me since most of my friends in the east STAYS AT HOSTELS in the west.... ^@%$^&@

well well whatever.

anyway i realised im being rather random.

lets call this.. too-long-never-blog syndrome? lmao.

ha.

a new beginning

2008-11-23T22:43:00.004+08:00

22 weeks in sispec.

it ends right here.
211008

its been too long, too far we've come.
i don't even recall the first day i stepped into camp,
nor how i felt back then.
but its the journey, the field camps we went through,
the trenches we dug, the mountains we climbed..
all that will become a memory that can never be erased,
a part of my history never to be replaced.
all this while i've been yearning for this very day,
that i'll leave this very damned place.
and now that i am, i'm grateful,
to all those who have been part of this sispec memory,
to be there in the ups and downs,
so that i could be the person i am now.
thank you and all the best. :)

and as one story comes to a close,

a new beginning it shall be.

Time Of My Life

2008-11-22T13:22:00.002+08:00

B M T C .

finally.

haha.

:D

back from TAIWAN :)

2008-11-17T22:55:00.002+08:00

totally knocked out yesterday + little bit of today. just had too much fun and too little sleep during the 3 pathetic days of R&R ( actually it was 2 and a half). but it was fun. :D

lets see.. training was like that. nothing special. if i had to describe it, i would simply say GRUESOME. not only because the SAF forbids me to say anymore ( some confidential shit thing) but also because thats all i'm willing to think of about that 19 days of hell. up down up down, mountains and all.. and the freak weather.. gives me the chills just thinking how i got through all that.

but its over. finally. ha ha ha.

postings due friday.. POP! 3sgt pay after that.. $$$$$ yeap yeap.. need alot of money to fund my growing addiction to sudden-burst shopping syndrome. lol. =.= i realised that in taiwan.. where i was just walking around looking at the clothes, quite reluctant to part with any money. and then i went to this shop and suddenly.. BAM. i started picking clothes like there was no tommorrow.. spent more than a 100 bucks within that half an hour i was there.. bought jeans, jacket, blazer, shirt, belt.. blah blah.. haha.

and if you're thinking its just a one time kind of thing.. i was at ximen in Taipei the next day... when i went around looking for bags and wallets and caps... 3 hours just walking around looking.. then suddenly within the next hour... i picked up a wallet, bag, another pair of jeans, 4 t shirts, 2 caps and a pair of shades. let me see... spent clost to 150 bucks. haha. O.O

in total i spent all the 600 dollars i brought there. so now im a pathetically poor begger.. thats until i get my next pay... anyone care to donate to M-Y charity? please? lol. i thought not. haha.

however i think the best thing about taiwan are the TOY MACHINES!! haha. ( thats excluding the girls of course, since everyone knows that already) not that the toys are exceptionally cute.. or that i can't find those machines in singapore.. its just..... so addictive. haha. pick and drop pick and drop. i swear i spent close to a thousand NT on those things.. managed to pick like 6 toys. o.0 got to get better at that some day. haha.

did not go over to taipei 101 nor jay's cafe and secret shop since i didn't really have alot of time. wanted to go after the steamboat on the last day but time just didn't permit it.. since last minute changes made the schedule very tight ( they pushed the time ahead by 1 HOUR to 1530 hrs. dumb huh?) oh and the plane was re-scheduled at the last minute to 2040hrs.. thats like almost 4 hrs difference from the timing given to us before the trip..

well oh whatever.. enjoyed taipei though.. and to some extent taizhong.. our training grounds >< haha. the cup noodles are fantastic.. theres like real meat inside!! =.= and they have heaters for the showers in the camp.. woohoo.. thats the two things singapore should copy after. heh.

back to camp tml morning. then its just preparation for friday... woooshh... hope friday is a sunny one. haha. =D

oh did i say i went to MPH book sale at expo yesterday? lets see i bought.. 1 2 3...... 17 books. yeap. thats gonna keep me crazily busy for a while . ha.

2.30am flight.

2008-10-25T18:39:00.002+08:00

off to TAIWAN. ):

lets see... 22 days till i touchdown in Singapore again.

oh. and the date i'll be back is 16th NOVEMBER. not 15th. which means..... nvm.. damn.

stupid SAF and their delays. was supposed to fly on friday already.

zzzzz

anyway shall blog again when im back. or IF i'll be back, haha, taking into account all that SAF personnel dying in exercises nowadays... o.0

lol.

im joking.

:D

the shortest week in camp

2008-10-24T22:56:00.002+08:00

really. lets see.. i booked in on WED morn 0715h and booked out on THUR evening 1830. LOL. if only every week in SAF was like that from now on. haha. YOU WISH. lol.

anyway sue wasn't free to meet up on thurs night so i went home instead. ): it may be one of my last chances that i will be able to drop by NTU after nights off or book out. yup, am passing out the week after I touch down from taiwan. that will be 16th november. urm. 4 weeks time. =.=

perhaps i might drop by on my passing out day? oh wait. i think they are having exams. =x zzzz..

or maybe i might be posted back to sispec as instructor..........

CHOI. pui. please don't let that happen. i want to go to BMTC school!! please please please. -.- but if i have to go guards or SIR then please let me go back to sispec to be instructor. at least. =x hopefully back to foxtrot.

haha. daydreams.

but really this have become the talk of the company nowadays. even though we have one major (shag) exercise coming up (taiwan), its almost like non-existent since we are aready in POP mode. well as well. hope taiwan passes by fast and without any hiccups.

shall blog again tommorrow. the book on my table is much much more tempting. =D even though i've read it many times already. =.= lol.

anyway its my last day in SG tml. =(

take a bow

2008-10-21T11:27:00.004+08:00

this song has been stuck in my mind since don't-know-how-long.

lol. enjoy!

Take A Bow -

and then its over..

2008-10-20T19:48:00.005+08:00

its already monday... wednesday morn and i'll be in camp already :( its just not enough freedom at all!!! zzzz...

anyway met the swimmers on sat.. noon went shopping at bugis b4 meeting shu at lavender mrt. saw dodo and his girlfriend.. haha. so paiseh. they were.. ermm.. don't know doing what before he saw me =.= anyway headed down to kallang leisure park to meet ivan. glen joined us soon later.

decided we were too lazy to go ice skating, hence we headed to donut & donuts to chill out. the little girl at the counter was sooo cute! haha. can speak well.. serve drinks and food.. order the staff around.. and even kope her own drink from the refridgerator =x i bet she was less than 10 yrs old. haha.

after tt headed down to taka, shopped a bit.. met huimin for dinner at NYDC heeren. there was some model show going on.. and the music was VERY irritating since we were all eating. then there was this male model who looked totally uninterested about what he was doing. haha. we were talking about him the whole time. lol. and then a while after he appeared wearing the china singlet from new urban male and BRIEFS! lol.. those kind of super tight fitting ones that got the... ahem. shape. haha. totally hillarious. laughed till stomachache.

talked. about what was happening. to us and to people around us. and about random people we used to gossip about. then about huimin's problems. really wonder how come she is leading such a stressful and depressing life. from what i hear and interpret i wonder how she can still carry on with it. but its not my say anyway. lets hope she gets that settled soon. :)

was great catching up with all of them. too bad sue, tan and shuqi didn't make it. :(

181008 @ heeren NYDC.

19th Oct:

HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY to my brother!

haha.

and so finally legal to drink.

and watch M18 movies

and enter clubs

and learn to drive.

lol.. 18th is a good age. just that it sucks for singpaore guys because it means... NS is up next. =.= too bad.

enjoy while you still can! =D

went to hai nan ge with the family + my aunt's family. great food :)

nothing much else happened that day. another uncle came over at night and we had ikea meatballs at home. with chicken and salmon and alot alot of food. geesh ive been eating ALOT. =.=

20th Oct:

just came back after driving all the way to clementi to fetch my father and bro and back again. i tell you, my mum was more gan cheong than me when i was at the wheel ok. lol. kept asking me to slow down. when i was at 80km/hr only!!!

zzz.

like she said i was a new driver and shouldn't drive so fast. and so i should hog the roads at 60kmph? oh well. was quite nervous at the start. after that it was just.... like that. yea. thats all. nothing much to worry about i suppose.

anyway im planning to go drive around the east tml.. as i know the roads there better. thats of course if my mum permits me to use the car. lol. =.=

anyway it was pretty amusing since when my father took over as coach at the front passenger seat, he said exactly the same thing as my mum. to slow down because im new at the road. like hello? and whatever. lol.

however one thing i must admit is that its pretty confusing to find your way around singapore. especially when you are driving. haha. i guess that comes with experience.

lol.

one more thing. i need to start shopping for a birthday gift soon. like since i'll be in taiwan for 3 weeks after this. =x

one fine day.

2008-10-17T22:51:00.004+08:00

i PASSED.

as simple as that.

haha.

went for traffic police pract test this morning. was quite nervous. but who cares. haha.. i barely scraped.. 16 demerits. but its still a pass.. FINALLY. i don't have to face those scary testers ever again. thats if i dun get my liscence revoked for doing aome stupid stuff. haha.

thats like a thousand bucks worth of stuff + close to one year of training + many many many hours spent down at ubi driving centre.

and this makes all that worth the while. :)

and now im CERTIFIED to drive. no matter how dangerous that sounds. ha ha ha.

anyway meeting the swimmers to go ice skate tml. somehow the girls' schedules can nvr match. its like, shuqi can make it for lunch only, shu and sue can only go in the afternoon, tan and huimin can only go at night. its almost like they are trying to avoid each other ( which is definitely not the case). and then i wonder how come the guys, who are all in ns, with their oh so precious weekends, can make it for both lunch dinner and whatever plans there are. tell me something. is uni really that busy?

anyway nothing can be done to salvage this situation. i should just get a girl to plan the next gathering. its like sooo much easier if they just speak among themselves to confirm their schedules, instead of me being the middleman. and ivan of course. i'll gladly set aside any time they are free to meet them. lol.

whatever the case.

anyway having a long weekend. booking in on wed morn at 7.15. got to plan the time wisely and use it to the max since after this short span of paradise i shall be embarking on a jouney to the ends of the earth and back again. lol.

i think im becoming rather poetic. ha.

random.

2008-10-12T15:55:00.003+08:00

lol. ytd forgot to wish priscilla and HONG ZI PENG happy 19th birthday!! haha. somehow its one of the very few birthdays i remember because.. haha.. well, i use to tease priscilla about it.. and how zipeng will be her future husband. =.= secondary school times. haha.

having a long weekend next week.. if im not wrong its sat sun mon and tue.. then i'll be away for a very looonnnggg time... like 4 weeks? o.0 in taiwan. haha. not thinking that far. sat most prob meeting swimmers... celebrating bro's bday on sunday night.. i need activities for sunday late night, mon and tue!! lol. want to have fun to the max first before going to suffer in taiwan. thats called recreational therapy. lol. bs. ha. apparently monday and tue ain't no holiday so the girls cant be free and the guys would most prob be in camp. i want to go ice skating!! lol. maybe one of those days i should go.. anyone want to join me? :D anyone who isn't in camp or planning to skip lessons. haha.

going to get a camera later. should be. if not it'll be next week. either way. lol.

i am mentally exhausted. cant really think.. or how should i put it, unwilling to think of anything else thats happening around. perhaps it may be a blessing after all.

i just want this over with.

sometimes all you've got to do is be honest with it. all that cover-up ain't going anywhere.

i hope you know what you are doing.

grand-SHAGGED.

2008-10-11T22:48:00.002+08:00

back from grandslam II. totally shagged. knock-out last night.

can you believe the amount of time i slept last night was TWICE the amount i slept in 4 days of grandslam exercise! thank god its over. i don't want to think about it anymore. its gone GONE GONE. HAHA. lol.

but still i have to say it was perhaps the greatest test of endurance up till date. there was seriously one point in time during that four days that i wanted to give up and wondered why im going through all this hell. my body was totally shut off, headache, giddy. just that short of fainting or hallucinating or whatever else that might happen.

but now im totally glad its over and do not want to revisit that experience ever again. and YES i can smell it.. POP is THAT CLOSE.. 5 more weeks left, of which 3 weeks in taiwan.. haha.. 3 stripes.. as timothy said i can practically go sew it on all my uniforms now.. hahaha.

what i get after that, i will think about it when it comes. now i just have to get past this stage first. lol.

most probably not going out this weekend. too shag.. went to support sue chee in the morning. haha. she practically had a party of people. yes girl, go make the rest of ntu swimmers jealous. hahaha.

after that had super satisfying lunch. long john! plus black forest ice blended from coffee bean. oh and and and. IVE GOT MY PAY. haha.. most prob going shopping for a camera tml. thats high up my urgent list. lol. oh and the topman voucher in my wallet is expiring soon. i need to go SHOP.

well well, thinking about all that dirty equipment, bags, LBV and helmet back in camp is making me sick. going to sleep again so i can wake up early tml to go over to toa payoh pool to support sue again. haha.

shall continue tml.

Grandslam week. zzzzz...

2008-10-05T18:48:00.004+08:00

i guess i dont have to repeat and stress how fast my weekends passed again. spent the weekends lazying around the house.. reading. i need to get out and have fun!! haha.

sports day on saturday. golf coy.. well.. even though ASLC.. ahem... din't really win much... okok. didn't win ANYTHING. lol. nvm... its alright, at least our cheer very UP.. power! haha. consolation. lol.

but what i did get from sports day i a super bad sunburn. :(

see the colour contrast. red like lobster. ouch. oh ya.. and notice that 'G' too. cool tattoo huh? if i knew it would turn out like that i would have done more pattern =.=

now its all stinging pain. i wouldn't have minded it if not that i will be bringing this stinging feeling to GRANDSLAM II next week. that and my sprained ankle. lol. while it feels better i still feel like my ankle's going to come flying off everytime i increase my pace or run. =(

apparently all hope of that ankle recovering by today has extinguish. since its still hurting now. anw enough of all that complaining. shall take things one at a time as they come. no point thinking about it now.

GRANDSLAM II is going to be hell. shall not hide that fact. lets see.. 7km march to river crossing site, river cross, then 7km march to objective in the wet clothes. all that at night. yeap. and then dawn attack on objective. followed by defensive ops, which includes DIGGING my shellscrape and fire trench. OH and im going to have to dig all 1.8m of timothy ( my buddy's) height. cool huh. -_- after that is mission followed by mission followed by more mission until it finally ends. 4 days 3 nights. i'm already feeling sian of it already. haha

well at least can look forward to next weekend.. 2 X driving lessons =D haven't driven for AGEs can.. and my practical test is like 17th OCTOBER!! and im only starting practise next week. lol. but im not going to fail this time. focus focus focus.. don't want to waste time and money already.. i want my liscence!

swimmers gathering on 18th!! looking forward to meeting them. haha. they want to call eugene, daryl and chin hock too.. i don't know if thats going to be wise.. o.0 but well im fine with that.. haha.

so much to look forward to in the next few weeks. haha. all that plus TAIWAN!! ROC.. lol.. am i supposed to look forward to that too? i guess so.. because the end of taiwan marks the end of the super gruesome and sian ASLC.. this is sooo much worse compared to BMTC.. and i want it to end so much, even though they say taiwan is going to be the worst training of ASLC.. let me just get through this fast. zoom zoom zoom. lol.

i think im going crazy.

down with everything possible. :(

2008-10-01T17:27:00.003+08:00

flu, cough, bodyache, headache, sore throat.... you name it i've got it. yes and of course that plus my sprained ankle. turns out to be a minor tear.. should heal in a week.. for now its all 'ouch'. lol. and guess what the doc gave for my poor leg - painkillers. =.= then i thought carefully and realised that.. yea, what else could he give for that? -_-

at least i cleared my standard obstacle course with my sprained ankle. makes it all worth it because theoretically, i've passed my course! i know im only halfway through.. but SOC is the only veto factor for the course and i've done it. not that they will let me pass out even if i miss grandslam II and ROC, but yea.. im CLEARED. lol.

you have no idea how important that means unless you are in sispec ASLC. haha. just try picturing everyone who cant clear that under 10 minutes watching as the rest pass out in 7 weeks time while not being able to pass out. =( that will feel totally.. aww. don't know how to express that. well god bless those who fail. let them have the strength to get it through. :)

tommorow's platoon live firing should be a no-go for me with my leg like that. too bad, since i was actually looking forward to it as i do not have to carry the bloody 10kg matador up the hill for the attack.. o.0 actually its 11. something but thats not the point. its the worst weapon an infantry man should be made to carry, since now our tanks have anti-matador armour. =.= yea. and thats supposed to be our anti-tank weapon.

enough of army. really miss the swimmers. haven't seen them for quite a while now... 11th oct is off but hopefully 18th will be ok.. thats if Ivan even remembers to coordinate for that. perhaps should even meet some of them earlier. ha.

anyway take this chance to wish the swimming girls.. all the best for mid-terms and all the other quizzes/test blah blah.. do well!

huimin: get your footing soon ok? and don't get too stressed up! you are missing the fun in uni life! cheer up and things will brighten for you. :) look forward to seeing you soon..

sue: haha.. good luck with your swimmer guy huh. hope he makes his move soon =.= if not just give him a kick in the butt and throw him in the rubbish bin =x lol. and all the best for IVP!

shu: lol. the happiest of the lot right... like totally opp of huimin larr... haha. miss you lots too! meet up ok? =D

tan: don't know how you're doing now.. bet computing is HELL lar.. its like so dry and booorriinnggg.. jkjk.. =p i know you will cope well.. super independent and capable.. haha. later mei ren yao den you noe. o.0 cheerios!

as for the guys i can't really tell you to enjoy NS right? well.. all you guys stay sound and alive ok? haha.. anyway i've got the worst deal of you lot lar idiots!! =.= and im still kicking... hahaha. meet up soon yea..

to all my juniors: don't get so stressed up about the A's ok? do your best! you guys have the ability to do well! don't worry.. await your good news soon :)

and finally. my sis..

cassie: cheerups la.. i know you screwed your prelims but thats no reason to give up yet! i've known you for ages and i know you have the ability to turn things around.. your problem is you worry too much.. too gan cheong!! makes you forget stuff that you could have remembered.. just remember what i said.. its only an exam. don't let A levels cloud your vision.. remain calm and use this one month to the max... focus!! you will do well.. i know that. :) i'll wish for that every night before i sleep so it better come true ok? have faith! =D

really worry for her.. but she will do it.. she's got to.. hahaa.. then we'll start thinking about what uni course after that. lol. i want good news!!

alright. back to now.. 6pm. 3 and half hours to book in.. and i only book out on sat noon this week because its sports day.. groaaannnsss... =(

F1 racing

2008-09-28T03:03:00.014+08:00

just finished uploading all the pics to facebook.

anw first and foremost i want to thanks Max Sim Li Chien for taking over my CDT duties on friday night so that i can book out and enjoy the comfort of my bed.

sat morning spent sleeping in bed, breakfast with mum, got my PDL done. means i'll be getting back on the road in a matter of days =D.
anyway went to view the F1 racing at night. =D i cant say whether i was more fascinated by the Singapore Flyer or the actual racing. because after a while it became VERY repetitive. and the worst thing is u cant talk to anyone else because its too noisy!

totally amazing...

the two best pictures i managed to get ( after 100s of them)
its the best my semi-pro can get already. =(

and then i saw this car that i so so so so so so want... damn.

absolutely gorgeousness ( shu better agree with me. haha.. its green. lol)

relaxed after that for dinner during the break.

kumar and friends.
the aqua show was totally hilarious. real funny but dirty humour. kumar rocks!!! btw kumar is the picture on the right. LOL.

totally awesome drummers. cant remember the name of the group but there was one guy who really whacked the thing soooo hard i swore it was inhuman. lol. took a picture of it but cant even see the hands. deleted it. thats how fast it was.
=.=

and of course. the thing that got me there in the first place. my service pass. im there for WORK ok =p

went to the 1000 dollar ticket grandstand. those people really know how to ENJOY life. was with my cousin behind this two caucasians drinking from a FREAKING HUGE bottle of champagne. they tried to hook on to my cousin but she was sooo professional. pei fu. think shes got alot of working experience in the public relations field. lol.

anyway just ended a pretty interesting and crappy session on msn. with my dear IT student. lol. =.=
good luck for your quiz on monday!

haha.
anyway shagged. totally. tml's book in day. again. damn. so fast.
i need motivation on the outside. zzz.

and then it all starts again.

2008-09-21T17:28:00.002+08:00

few more hours to book in. i don't even want to think about how many because that will only make it more depressing. practically slept away most of my weekends. too shag. slept at 10 plus both nights i was home. did not meet up with anyone, not even communicate online.

i feel so detached from the rest of the world. its been only like 1 week but i feel like eternity has passed. next week is going to be hell, followed by more hell and finally greater hell the weeks after. i used to be able to path out my future plans, see where i stand in society, and even the reason for my existence. now a simple 2 year military service is practically screwing all of that up. its like blurring up, mixing up, and whatever it is doing to me.

i need to seriously get a life. make use of my weekends to do something meaningful, something that i would do if i wasn't in military service. was thinking of giving tuition over the weekend, but that too has to wait because i am presently a trainee and a trainee's schedule is full of uncertainty. i cant wait, seriously, to get out of ASLC. to be posted to a stable unit where i know i can finally plan my weekends fully. as for now, all i can look forward to is the weekly gatherings with friends and whatever family activities.

its going to be a super long week. the swimmers should most prob be too busy to meet up nxt weekend. if not we would be going to splashdown. lol. oh well, suck it up, pull through. I know i can, it just sucks to be me right now. =(

less than 24 hrs.

2008-09-13T23:35:00.002+08:00

why does my weekends disappear so fast? its like all the longing and hoping for the weekends to come during the last 5 days has come to an end. while it was satisfying yesterday when i booked out, it just feels so fast that i have to book in in less than 24 hours from now.

next few weeks will be hell of heck of hell. live firing, field camps etc etc. seriously im that close to losing it already. infantry life is just something you ain't want to go through over and over again. i look at glendon and ivan and eugene and sort of envy them sometimes because they are able to have free time of their own. as for mine, its really chiong sua all the way. after ASLC, then unit, it all continues. totally sian and tired of it all.

met up with the swimmers today, had a good time. but it all just seems too fast gone. tml will be whole day prep before going back to camp. tue and wed uo live firing and all that shit. it just seems so hard to get distraction from all these. its hard to talk to guys because we would mostly be talking about army life, the very same things im trying to numb myself from. and the girls are too busy studying.

the only thing i can do is look forward to the weekends to get together with friends, and yet the weekends seem to pass so fast and i feel like i'm sort of wasting my time on online streamings, games, sleep and tv. i need to do something, but the busy schedule presently does not permit me to. please please please, let this pass quickly. 10 more weeks, 6 more to ROC, i want all this to end. =(

random.

2008-09-12T23:21:00.003+08:00

4th week ASLC, still not liking it. Infantry. hate it. zz. anyway its been hell of a week for me. lots of time spent thinking. lots of emotion running.

I don't know when or if you'll ever come across this blog again, but i still gotta say this out.

its impossible to ask you to forget whatever you have read here, and to treat it like nothing ever happened. it is really my fault that resulted in this mess of situations and dunno-whats.

i do not deny the fact that i like you, and very much so even until this very day. its just.. how do i put it, perhaps not that simple an ' i love you ' kind of feeling? well i've said before and still stick by it that this is an issue i have long decided to put behind. i admit that i really had a hard time juggling my feelings then and making the decision but i have come to live with it and accept it. it came as quite a shock when you told me you saw my blog. trust me, it was almost like a dream i never wanted to come true. i re-read the sms 3 times after that just to make sure thats what you really said. yes i was lying in a lorry ( 5 tonner) by the way. perhaps my greatest mistake that i will live to regret is that i left the whole chain of thoughts i had long before linger and remain arched in the archives of this blog.

one things i know is that our friendship will never be the same as before because now you know. its one thing i never meant for you to find out but regardless its no use crying over spilt milk. because of this i know it may cause us to drift further apart as friends. to you, it may no longer be care or concern between friends, nor will it be the meet-up-between-friends every time i ask you out. this i understand. it is really ok if you find it uncomfortable and all. i hope you will be honest about it and not have to resort to excuses or cover-ups just to try and not hurt my feelings. not that im implying you do so but yea, you know what i mean.

i don't know if you will believe me but personally i feel that loves does not have to result in eventual acquisition or possession. all i really want is for you to be happy, to be there whenever you need a listening ear or just someone, just simply to care for you. it may sound ironical and you may not believe that a girl and a guy can be good friends when love is involved and all. yet this is really what i feel. to me, its not time wasted nor efforts down the drain everytime we meet up or even just have a chat. how do i put it.. its like i feel comfortable being around you and am willing to share whatsoever you want to share with me. in life you seldom find many who can really click, that is why you are thus important and someone i cherish alot. don't thank me for this. i want to thank you more for that trust you place in me everytime we talk about something. really.

as for now i really am clueless as to what will happen of this. as much as i hope things will remain like before i seriously doubt it would. even now as i type all this i have come to a realization that the reason why i'm not telling you all this over the phone, in person, or even msn is simply because i feel embarassed and lack the courage to tell you so. do not be mistaken. its not because you have come to know about how i feel about you, but its the mistakes i have made to disillude you about the present situation and affecting this friendship i have with you. please please please do not be sorry that you read this blog and all, becuase sooner or later you would have known about it anyway.

and please dont also feel sorry because you think you have hurt me. how do i put it. im not at that level of vulnerability yet, or perhaps you are not there in a position where you could hurt me deeply yet. do not mistake. you are really someone i treasure very much and im really sorry that you had to read and find out about all this from my blog. also i hope you will not react any differently after reading this entry because the reason why i wrote this is perhaps just to tell you about how i feel of this. i don't want to be the reason that you decide to treat things differently after all this. lastly, as much as i know it will not happen, i hope you will forget about this whole incident and carry on living your life as it used to be.

really now i start to wonder how i had to implicate myself into such a mess. oh wait, i know. i had to write all those things i felt then here. and it ain't really that hard to find it and read it is it? yes. damn. stupid. and whateverelse thing. =(

university blues.

2008-07-12T01:17:00.003+08:00

back from a total week of outfields at sispec. have to book in tommorrow for another week of outfields and field camps. totally sian-ed life. thats BSLC.

anyway, universities are starting. Yeap, thanks to max for reminding that. I have been totally out of sorts the past week. Might be because of training, or something else totally. Anyway most of the girls should probably be going for their uni camps. uhmmm... and the poor guys are suffering in army camps. at least for those who do not decide to slack like me.

max was saying the other day, that orientation is the time where sparks will fly. spent most of the week thinking about that. seriously, what he say does make sense. Imagine all the poor guys in army who are courting some girl in one way or another, are getting their chances sliced just because university is starting.

as for those already in love, there is always that risk, though highly unlikely.

and i guess that feeling sucks. i mean, the guys in army should really be the ones in need of support from their other halves. I know some people believe that they should focus when in army, and not be involved in external relationships lest problems they face outside affects their performance in camp. But sometimes I feel that if there is someone out there to share your burdens, another person to go to and cheer up, some sort of motivation, it would make gruesome army life more bearable, won't it?

of course if you want to think about it rationally and theoratically, it is not fair to expect a girl to love a guy through his army life. After all, he will not be able to spend sufficient time with her and give her the attention she deserves. so by right, a guy in army should not be jioing any girl. but really, how many times does opportunity knock. and how often do you find someone so right for you? I don't know about others, but i feel it takes time and effort to really know if a girl is the one for you. and then if you are in army, you are supposed to just give it all up? for duty to country? abit selfish. yea. i know.

so many of my section mates i've met have said, just go for it. perhaps i think too much about the reprecussions. it like an essay, two very relevant sides to the story. to let go, or to selfishly hold on. Or perhaps in my case, to even just let her know. i used to be very clear cut about this kind of issues. that is: in army, i am totally non-qualified to talk about relationship stuffs. I mean thats what they say don't they? if you love her, set her free. but then, if you don't tell her how you feel and end up losing her, you will really regret it.

precisely my dilema. further more she is not just an aquaintance, but a friend. I don't want to end up losing it all if something screws up halfway. yet if she gets a boyfriend in university (most probably), i mean, you know how it feels. the longing just keeps getting stronger and stronger, especially now since university is starting soon. it may be army thats making me desperate or whatever that is happening, but i really do not want to make such a crucial decision on impulse. dont wanna risk everything.

its the first time im ever struck with such a problem. usually, i'd confess within a month. never really thought of what happens after that, did i? sometimes i wonder how i managed to bring up such issues so easily in the past. but now, its been like what, one and a half years? i spend every single day lying in bed, thinking about her and what i want to do about it. up till now, not much progress i fear. i really havent the courage to bring up that issue. just trying to improve what we have, and maybe hopefully one day my dreams will come true?

someone please tell me what to do. whoever, a sign or whatever. time's totally running out. real fast.

2008-04-03T11:14:00.003+08:00

you can be assured

of my feeling you'd never know

id be that star in your vast sky

so that if you only looked hard

i'll always be there behind the clouds

every heard of the phrase

"wishing upon a star?"

i desire not to be the wish,

but the star that shines brightly

only for you.

2008-04-03T09:32:00.000+08:00

if you're in love again, where does that leave me?

2008-02-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

will you be my valentine?

gladly.

Office Hours

2008-02-13T12:04:00.000+08:00

Haha, blogging during office hours. Shh, don’t tell anyone. =.= Anyway its ren ri today, 7th day of new year, like, everyone’s birthday and stuff. Haha. Yizhen was practically wishing everyone happy birthday here and there. -_-

Anyway poor her. Her pet fish died today. =( Even though it’s a guppy, but yea. Haha. Condolences. Spent a lot of time yesterday and this morning in the train thinking about what I would do if I cannot qualify for ntu accounting. It is so me not to prepare a backup plan, plan B of sorts. Yup, I do not have a plan B. In fact, I did not have a plan B when I chose cchms back in primary 6, neither did I have a back up plan when I chose Temasek after secondary 4. So far, I have been rather lucky, making it to my first choices everywhere I go. So far so good. But lately I have been wondering, what if I do not make it to ntu this time? What is choice number 2? My mum kept asking me what I wanted to take in university other than accounting. I seriously have no idea. Fashion design perhaps? Mass communications? Interesting but not appealing enough. Hence I have been doing some research this morning when I came to office. I have decided that if I do not make it to NTU accountancy, I will still pursue an accounting career but maybe not in Singapore. Been looking up the University of Illinois, supposedly number 1 for their accountancy graduate courses. In fact, it was from NTU where I learnt this fact. Apparently they are partnering universities. But if it is the best it simply means that the chances of me getting into UOI is much much lower if I cannot even make it to NTU. Considered TAR college too, top college for accounting in Malaysia. Cousin is there, sounds great, but well Im not sure if I want to study someplace else other than in Singapore. Otherwise the more obvious choice is NUS accountancy, not so prestigious but will have to do.

Alright got work to do. Appears I wont be staying at nestle even one week, since I have been so efficient and completed the weeks work in 3 days. 2 and a half I mean. =x tata.

Tipsy, Turvy, Upside Down.

2008-02-10T22:39:00.000+08:00

Had new year party at my godma's place today. There were many people, great food, and lots of hong baos!! hahaha. Drank aboslute vodka... Must have drank too much too fast.. After that was really feeling very drowsy.. drunk. Very red, headache, heart thumping like crazy... First time. Luckily I was conscious enough to remember Ivan's advice and rushed to the toilet to wash my face with cold water.. Tried to shake the headache off but it got worse.. ahh.. And the party was only starting.. Took a sit and it got better. Took 5-10 minutes on the couch, then more washing face.. And it got much much better! hahaha.. Well, now i know the method. XD

Anyway, work tommorrow, data entry for patsy. Feels great to be going back to nestle after so long.. But it equally means that I have to put driving on hold, that is until I get my fixed schedule. Apparently, I got to be prepared to work ot tommorrow and maybe the day after. Somehow patsy is rushing some stuff.

Been like ages since I turned my msn to online. Haha.. Alright. Sleep. I think. Unless......

XD

So long.. too long girl.. u will never know how much i missed you.

Happy New Year 2008

2008-02-10T10:58:00.000+08:00

!!!

When back to Malaysia last tuesday night. Looked forward to it. Malaysia is great! Haha. All the cousins and uncles and aunties and all.. Except for one thing. The houseflies totally pissed me off. grrr.. Big stubborn houseflies at Machap. How I wish I had those fly swatters. Haha. One swipe and I would have gotten at least 3-4 of them. =x That bad.

Anyway tuesday. Went in at night. .Reached my third uncle's place at 1am! Tired. Slept. Next day had to wait for 4th uncle and 3rd grand uncle to come into johore to meet us first. Delayed.

My 2nd uncle did not go back this year due to his recent surgery. Aw man.. Can't believe the fun they are actually missing. HAHA. Evil evil.

New year day. Went around to " collect angbaos". Yup, thats the term we call it. XD Anyway my father let me drive the car!! Hehe. No liscence. o.0 But only drove on the road behind my grandma's. small road. And it was auto car. Not that hard to drive either. =.=

Afternoon. 2nd Grand aunt's place!! That is like.. Tradition. New year day must go 2nd grand aunt's place for lunch. And the soup!! Haha. Thats what we all went there for. The soup!! Pig intestine. Yummy. But they made so little!! =( Either that or the rest of them ate alot. Ha. By the time I went to the pot it was almost scraping the bottom already. But 2nd grandaunt promised to make it the next day =D. After that... Lets see. Went home.. prepare for the dinner. Then to 2nd grandaunt's place again! =.= Thats because it is their turn to host the dinner this year. We take turns to host it every year. Poor them. Had to cook lunch, prepare dinner, and lunch the next day too. -_-

Anyway while the place was quite hot and relatively small, it was great to meet all those uncles and aunties and cousins too. Haha. Had quite a few scratches from the young ones. Terribly voilent. o.0 Had a good time talking with the older ones. Haha.. Finally talked to ming this year! Its like, never used to talk to him. He also did not really socialise in the previous years. anyway he was rather chatty. Interesting and nice guy. Did not get to talk to his sister though. She's quite shy. And sticking with her mum most of the time. Haha.

Then there was Daniel and Carolyn, my two long time best cousins and buds. Haha. Do not even know how we got that close. Its like we are quite distant cousins and yet still can mix. Must be auntie mary. Very gossipy and lively/ chatty lady. Mixes with everyone. And use to be very close to my dad too. Well, spent alot of time this year talking about ns. o.0 They were all asking how ns in sg is different from that in malaysia. =.=

Oh and since this year we managed to stay longer due to the weekends, we could finally see my 1st aunt! haha.. And her kids, su wan and jun xian.. Yup. Managed to talk to them abit more this year. That is becuase for previous years they always came on the day when we were leaving. =.= Wan wan is grade 7 already!! Gosh. I feel embarassed. Haha. Grade 6 only. And stopped already. She is like.. 5 years my junior. Haha.. Man.

Anyway the fireworks this year were much lesser. Heard the police were clamping down real hard on the vendors. Aww.. Soon it will become like singapore. Quiet skies. =( Anyway grandma gave us RM100 angbao this year!! Thats like double the years before. Ahh, feel so guilty. Old lady and still increase angbao for us. Its like stealing more of her money. =( Anyway, angbao amounts increased too. Haha. Somehow the number decreased though. Worked out to be almost the same. I thought with kah wei married and ah soon almost married AND ah li married we would get more. =p Apparently not. Do not know where the rest disappeared to.

But still, a very interesting and enjoyed new year. Love the big family. My mum was telling me how they were intimidated when she first married my dad and had to go for the big family gatherings. Haha. No way is that intimidating.. In fact its great. Of course that is if you have a group to join in conversations. Haha. With aunty mary around? No problem. XP

Oh and my 6th uncle's daughter is sooo cute now!! She actually can pose for the camera. Haha. Tell her dad where she wants to tkae her pictures. And she is only 2! Does not like strangers alot though. Neither us, her close cousins. Apparently needs more time to warm up. Haha. Still very cute.

While by going back to malaysia on new year means that i have been missing new year celebrations in Singapore since like.. forever, no regrets. Really great to be back there with the whole big family. And of course the five snakes! Haha. Personally know 2 of them already. Daniel and Jun Xian. One in the proccess, Sarah. Last one, can't even remember his name yet. From the 1st grandaunt's side. That, will come. =D

Its been great. Looking forward to 9th march. Uncle ah boon's wedding! Celebrations again! =)

27 Dresses.

2008-01-24T22:29:00.001+08:00

Went to watch 27 dresses today. It is a MUST-WATCH everyone. Touching.. Haha. Predictable but nevertheless heartwarming. Four stars from me. =D

Anyway went squash in the morning. As usual, first 15 minutes killed me. Yup.

Thats my racket with its new grip. =D Finally no more needing to bear the dirty black sediments on my hands. This was taken druing my " half time break". o.0

The wall's disgusting huh? Haha. Dosen't look as bad in real life. =.= What do you expect? Its like $3 an hour? Dirt cheap?

Thats the very empty court. If you were expecting like something out of the blue, like some posh resort style or what, sorry to disappoint you. XP

Anyway went for a swim after that. Did 1.5km. Which is like much less than before. Haha. Reason being the sun came out after that and for some particular reason I did not want to get my skinned more burnt than it already is. =x Bad excuse I know. Anyway there were lots of kids. School swimming programme I think. Disruptive to swim.

Oh and I realised that I am actually going to swim like 5 days this week. Is that hardworking or what? Like, I use to do that only when nats was coming and there was intensive training. Now I'm like doing it on my own? wow. Of course intensitiy's not there though. Still... Haha.

May be going back to Nestle to work. Depends on whether they still need me after CNY. Sorry Anvril. Really had plans already until chinese new year. =( Would love to go back this monday but can't. Ahh. Which also means that if I go back to work, I can only take my driving practical lessons at night, which is like peak hour prices. Ka ching ka ching. Man.

Anyway same thing tomorrow. Drop by Nestle before going for a swim at ITE Simei with the swimmers. Ivan said he would be there. He better be. Haha.

One more thing. Realised I haven't watched enchanted yet. Im like so into the soundtracks and completely forgot that I haven't watch the show. =.= Dumb right? Ha.

Finally. One more reminder that 27 dresses is a MUST WATCH! Night! =)

$50 Dollar Voucher on my table.

2008-01-23T22:19:00.000+08:00

I know the title is totally random. Couldn't think of one that will be able to describe this blog entry fully. Haha. So yea, its true. There is a $50 dollar inline skates voucher on my table. Going to get a pair before it expires. =D

Anyway went back to Nestle today. It was like everyone I knew was coming out to see me. Haha. Funniest was Yizhen. She saw me, then gave the shock look. So I told her " didn't you know that my contract has been extended?" Then she was like very blur and asked " Its today meh?" I mean. haha. Was just joking with her and she actually took it seriously. Haha. Work too hard girl. Take a break.

So ya. Kelvin practically said, " feel free to walk around the office. Special privelleges for you only." Wow. Flattered. Especially when I still remember how he used to scold kit for allowing the contractors to walk into the office unattended. Haha. Do not know if its because I am an ex staff or because of my aunt's influence though. o.0 Either way, appreciate that Kelvin. Haha.

Too bad I did not have the time to stay longer in the office. Had to go for training. .actually walked from changi business park central 1 to ITE simei. Cool huh? Joined training. Lenard's lane ( slacking I know) Haha. Don't want to join the fast lane from the start and malu. =x

3.45km. Not bad. And I realised my sprints have deproved alot. Or at least I feel so. Got to know the new yr 2 girl who joined this year. Aileen if I am not wrong. Some of the year ones too. Pity most of them do not wish to stay in TJ. Had dinner with some of them. Then went home on a train with justin ( a year one) and his friend whom he met at the station. Shes kind of cute. Haha. Not my type though. Aww.

My sunburnt skin is still very painful. Wonder if I am going to have a sleepless night like yesterday. Practically was trying to prevent myself from turning around because it hurt and yet trying to change positions now and then because it was hot. o.0 fix huh?

Anyway going to watch 27 dresses with the swimmers tomorrow! ( year 3s I mean) At least thats the plan unless further notice. Looking forward to that. And also Arena on saturday night! NUs closed door party. haha. Time passes so slowly without work. Ahhh.. Miss working at Nestle. Hope Patsy needs her man soon. =D As in an assistant. Haha. Don't think too much. XP

Planning to go squash tomorrow. Drop by the pool for a light swim to relax and then to meet shu and the rest in the evening. Wonder how am I going to maintain such a lifestlye. Not that it is very taxing physically or mentally. But its taxing on my pockets. Booking of court $3. Mrt ride ($1.50 per ride.) Swimming entrance fees ($1). Plus food and drinks. And movies and arena. Wow. Going to spend all my salary soon. =(

But its all for a good cause. ( that I have to keep reminding myself XP) Alright. Going to sleep now. Come to think of it, I haven't heard Jay's new songs from the latest album yet. ( Not so new after all) Its being wasted in my cabinet. Yup that was totally random.

I Miss You.

First Driving Lesson

2008-01-22T19:43:00.000+08:00

Yup. First driving lesson. And I went like... 4 rounds around the circuit. ( applaud please) haha. Felt great, pretty scary at the start, was just telling my mum that my right foot was on the brake most of the time while it was suppose to be on the accelerator because I was so afraid I might knock into someone else. =.=

Did alot of breaking point and stuff, turning, haha. The instructor was not very clear but pretty good because all the things he said got into my head. May be planning to cancel the lesson on the monday before chinese new year so that I can go back malaysia earlier to practise ( don't tell my mum =x)

Anyway went to play squash in the morning. Some of those people did not even book but since I am so nice, I actually paid $3 for them to turn on the lights and the fan. Ha. Was already so drained out in the first 15 minutes. After that practised my serve. I can serve well now! ( at least I think so) hahaha.Tiring.

After that went to the pool. Did a few laps. Not as tiring as yesterday. Maybe the intensity wasn't there. Not that I was going very fast yesterday either. =.= Anyway swam for 2 hours. 2.8km. Saw this bunch of malay super fat kids ( 3 of them) trying to tease a girl. Chikopeis.. Like swimming under her when she was swimming. Sick. Poor girl. Hence being the nice guy I was, I swam inbetween them and the girl and acted as if they were blocking my way. They had to give way. HA. =D Anyway. Just a reminder. Girls please do not go to YCK pool alone on a week day morning-afternoon. Very empty. And very dangerous if there are chikopeis like those people I met earlier. Not safe.

After a while those guys sort of realised that I knew what they were doing and decided to move to another corner of the pool. Ha. Effective. =) Oh and my sunburn just got worse. I mean, can you get sunburned while you are still sunburnt? I don't know. It seems to be hurting much more now and heat seems to radiate from my back. =s

Tomorrow will be break in the morning. Then to Nestle to drop by in the afternoon and then finally to join the swimmers at ITE simei. Swim again. o.0 I feel so hardworking. Haha. When I lie flat down on the floor I did not feel like I had the strength to sit up. Scary. o.0 So tired. Aching. Burning. Painful. But feels good at the same time. =D

Will be catching CSI miami on 5 later before sleeping. it is the episode that I missed the other time on AXN. Yeap I am a CSI miami fan. =)

Haven't seen her online in a long time. Heard she's sick. Ahh.. I wish I was there. =(

Getting the Momentum back.

2008-01-21T21:16:00.000+08:00

Wow YCK was great! haha. Quiet, empty, practically had one whole lane to myself. Felt quite breathless at the start, but I think its coming back. Clocked 3km, nothing fantastic, got burned red like lobster, but it felt sooooo good!

Will be going back tomorrow. This time to book the squash court ( its also absolutely empty at lunch time) and after that drop by the pool for a swim. Other than the fact that we have to pay one dollar (adult fare) instead of children fare because the pool does not accept, and also that the shops are all closed and there ain't a place to get food nearby, its almost like resort-style. Good place for suntanning, exercising, and well, a few of the guys there were doing water gym exercises.

My whole body is hurting now, from the sunburn and also tired from the training. But feels good. Did not have the appetite for dinner though, and I am still unsure if it was due to the fact that I exercise so much today after a long time ( I lose my appetite after an exercise) or that I haven't gotten use to the new maid's style of cooking. Today was some sambal fish, which was very oily and, well, unappetizing.

Anyway, am so tired right now so will be going to rest, not before I catch the heroes on channel 5 though. =D So long. Can't wait for wednesday to come to go back to Nestle and gossip with my khakis! ha!

Girl please take care of yourself. Alot.

First Weekday in a Long Time Without Work

2008-01-21T10:24:00.000+08:00

Yup, as the title goes. Feels wierd to wake up on a weekday and not have to go to work. Surprise surprise, recieved an sms from Kit this morning. Haha, going to call her some time soon to share the gossips. o.0

Anyway I have decided to go to Yio Chu Kang pool later for a swim, before deciding if I should go down to TJ to join them for training. The reason why I chose YCK is not because the pool there is fantastic or what ( I don't know actually) but because I want to check out the facilities they have there. Apparently, there seems to be a large number of things to do there, including tennis, and yes of course, squash.

I have been thinking all morning. Thinking about what has been happening to the friends around me, and the memories I had in the past. It is amazing how lasting the after-effects of a failed relationship are. It could even be longer than the period that two people were together. And regardless of how many times one says that he/she has moved on, it is often not the case and is but a way of comforting oneself. Yet in such instances, what else can we do? Try to salvage it? Live life in denial?

I personally feel there is no shortcut to the situation. It may take months, years and even forever to get over it, but regardless of how successful one is in decieving oneself that he/she no longer cares about it anymore, they will still be affected by what happens to the other party and what they say. Perhaps the best medicine is to be able to find another mate in life. That is the real meaning of moving on. For if one is able to open himself/herself to accept another being into one's life, it is an indication that he/she is no longer preoccupied with whoever was in their life. Confusing? yea. Precisely how I feel right now. Confused. It requires much depth, experience, to be able to walk away, smile at a beautiful memory, and pick up from where it was before. To understand such complexity of human thoughts and relationship requires strength, courage and knowledge that comes not from the theory of books but from the experiences of oneself, the hurt, the happiness, to build their own ability, to see through that life does not neccessarily consist of only one perfect fairytale that shatters, so fragile as the wind.

To the few and far between who have managed to live life of a fairytale, that is one love, one soul, forever, I appluad you. For those who haven't, that does not mean that life is no longer what one wants and desires. Wallow in the sorrows for as long as you need to, but always remember that one day you will be able to stand up and met someone better. To move on as such is not to let go of the past, but to build upon it, to accept once more. To know that past is past and present is what happens now, and that future, no one knows.

Take comfort in the friends that stand by you to encourage and to accompany you through joruneys of high and low, ups and downs, to learn and move on in life. Trust in the heavens and fate that regardless of how bad the fall, you will one day gain the courage to stand up and face greater pleasures, the rainbow after the rain.

As for now, let it be now and no longer so tomorrow. As I always believe, you are no longer the same man you are today tomorrow, the lessons and knwledge and intelligence gained from living one more day will make you the different person you are tomorrow. That is how people change. You see things from different perspectives, match it with your ambitions, and finally realise that it is not worth to hold on to anything that is already lost and gone.

Let every failed relationship be a lesson that builds to a greater one in the next, all the way until you find the very one, the very one you can trust upon, the one fate has in store for you.

Dubious people.

2008-01-20T21:43:00.000+08:00

Well, its been two days since I updated. Just thought that I should share this experience with all you people out there.

By the way, this happened on friday, just a short while after I submitted my previous post. There was this lady who was clearly not local ( claimed to be Mongolian) that came right up to the Nestle reception counter and said:

"I want to see your business corporates"

at least that was what I thought she said. She was mumbling so softly and I had to restrain myself from saying " WHAT?" and instead say " I beg your pardon" I believe that should Kit be around, she would most probably ignore her, but it was like, I was the only one at the deserted reception desk, and she was the only one, coupled with the fact that it was exceptionally quiet, that made it very weird to ignore her.

So anyway, she repeated and claimed that she wanted to do business with Nestle. It is the first time in one and a half months that I had to entertain a walk in purchaser, and I had to be all alone! So I told her the standard reply that the group in charge were out for team building and I asked her to call the main line on monday so that I (or Kit) could direct her to the correct personnel involved. But she did not want to leave! Said what she came from Mongolia, dosen't have a local line, and wants to speak to our marketing managers regarding the purchase.

I had no choice but to ask her to wait while I dashed in to ask Sharon how to deal with the situation. Apparently, she just asked me to get a name card and tell her that we will contact her on Monday regarding the matters. That was what I did and she actually told me she did not have a name card and was buying bulk for personal consumption. So I told her to call back on Monday for consumer services, but she refused to leave!

Kept asking if there was any brochures and prices and products. So I told her this was a sales office and we do not deal directly with purchasers here. Still didn't want to leave! So I told her that regardless of what she wanted to do, she had to call in and either talk to the correct department or make an appointment with the correct personnel. She just stood there and did not want to leave. Clearly, she was fustrated, but no way did I care. She was the unreasonable one in the first place, did not even want to leave a name or contact number, and wanted infomation. After that she said she wanted to export to Mongolia, where she had a company ( oh now she had a company) and refused to call in on monday. Kept asking about our international distribution. I mean, how in the world am I supposed to know that. I swear I should have given her our Switzerland main office number. hahaha.

Anyway finally thanks to Jeraldine and her punky I-Don't-Care-Bo-Chap attitude, the lady finally left. Million thanks! Tell you what I wanted to do. I seriously wanted to call security and make them drag her out ( sighting that she did not have a visitor pass). Two obstacles though, firstly I did not know the number of the security desk downstairs and secondly, the security guard looked like old ragged thin-to-the-bone old men and women and I doubt that they could do anything as much to drag that lady out. =.=

But it was interesting. Haha, and directly after that, all the people from inside came out and started asking what happened. Haha, thanks to all those who helped me deal with that dubious persistent lady. =)

Anyway, that was my last day, am sure going to miss those nice colleagues over there. Well, may go back sometime to visit them and I seriously hope anvril gets me a job there again. =D

The weekends had been a blur. Wake up, eat, sleep. Yes, been sleeping alot for who knows what reason. Its like Im catching up on all the sleep that I loss during my period of work. Felt tired and bored at home. Ahh, thats only two days. Imgaine whats in stall- two and a half months!! zzz.. May decide to go back Segamat earlier for Chinese New Year before my parents so at least there is somewhere else to go, too bad my uncle cannot take days off to go in with me.

Oh ya, most probably planning to go Mount Kinabalu with him too. After new year, around Feburary. =D See the scenery. Haha, will bring the camera he gave me, plus his own super expensive new camera and his new lenses. Will be an interesting trip. Look forward to it. =)

Feel like playing squash tommorow. May go to Yio Chu Kang. The racket has been sitting in the cupboard collecting dust ever since I bought it. =.= After that may go for a swim before going down to Temasek for gym training with the swimmers. Haha. And first practical lesson on tuesday! (driving) I think I mentioned it in the previous post but yea! hahaha. Excited about it.

One more thing, my piano is finally fixed, tune and ready to go! =D Now I need to find new pieces that I love so that I can figure them out on the piano. Getting real bored of the old ones already. =x

Saw glendon online yesterday. Most probably very shag and was ill, hence he was out of camp. Lucky dude. Went in tonight again. He said it was managable, not tiring till crazy. however he said they were very busy and practically had no personal free time. o.0 Oh and they stripped and assembled a rifle already! cool! hahaha. Hope he copes well in there.

Anyway, haven't really seen many people online. Suechee sent me the remants of the prom pictures on saturday and I have been editting them ever since. Ahh, I want to talk to so many people. Please appear online soon. haha.

it hurts me to see how affected you still are by what he does. Hope you do fine.

Last Day

2008-01-18T15:50:00.000+08:00

What a hectic last day. At least for just now.

Was saved by the team building programme for my department. Not that I am involved in the team building, but team building means that the only receptionsit of the company will not be in office, and that includes all the other " temporary receptionists" too. Which simply means, I have to take up the role of the receptionist and hence is exempted from what ever else I am supposed to do. =D Imagine that coming on my last day of work! o.0

Lets see, I reached office at 7am this morning ( quite an amazing feat) which simply meant I woke up at 5.30am, and left house at 6. wow. Anyway, filled the vending machines and distributed all the papers in 15 minutes ( record timing) and was already in a taxi at 7.25am. Oh ya, I forgot to mention that the reason why I was doing all these stuffs out of the norm is that I was rushing to Temasek's swimming trials! Haha.

It was rather amusing to see the many year 1s who could not swim but tried to act or smoke their way through.

Just to disgress, my colleague just walked into the glass door at the corridor. =.= Ouch.

Anyway, I was sort of " lifeguard" for the begineers. Yup, lifeguard for begineers, in the training pool. If you do not know what it means by the training pool, it actually is the pool where you can easily stand, the one between the adult and the baby pool. Anyway, all you need to know is that people can actually STAND comfortably in it. Yup. And I was LIFEGUARD. Cool huh? Just idled by myself. It was interesting however to see so many people who hasn't touched water before, much less know how to swim. Perhaps being a swimmer in TJ for 2 years and a leisure swimmer outside almost the whole of my life has made me forgot the time when I first touched water, and made me believe that as humans, we were born to already know how to move in water and what it feels to be completely in water. In fact, I was somewhat shocked to see that there were people who did not know how to swim at all. I simply thought that being humans, it should be second nature to be able to move your limbs and actually move forward in water. Now I know I was wrong. That perhaps is the problem with having learnt swimming since I was so yound I forgot how it felt like the first time. =.=

Anyway I took the begineer boys and did some "water confidence drills" with them, which practically meant floating, holding your breath and actually trying to just move without touching the floor. I would say it was quite successful, quite an achievement. =D

After that rushed back here to Nestle and I reached at 9 and surprisingly, my supervisor was not in yet! I mean, even though he stays in Jurong, he has stolen the company car for himself coupled with the fact that working hours start at 8.30. In fact he reaches work at 10 on most days, hence today was no surprise, just relief ( I did not take leave at work to go swim! shhh) haha.

After that it was slack till after lunch, when staff purchase came in and I had to double as a labourer. Even up till the time I started this entry, I was still in the staff purchase room like a labourer, imagine that!! No one said in my job scope of doing manual labour!! Arrgghh!!

Well, at least all that is over. Oh ya, finally talked to the rather pretty lady in office today, to bad it is my last day! grrrr.. Very sweet looking, nice.. ahhhh... Curses and swears.. shall find her on friendster.. hehe. Oh wells, she is most probably 20+, little old, just very cute XD

Supposed to go down to ITE simei for a swim later but i doubt I will make it in time, most probably just go there to join them for dinner. Got mail to frank after I finish my receptionist job!! that means OT..aww.. also means money though.. Hence I don't mind.. hehe

Starting my first driving practical lesson next tuesday! Excited. Haha, I was even thinking to take a train back to Segamat a week before Chinese New Year so I could use my grandfather's car to practise. (evil grins*) Shall see how.

Oh hopefully the other beautiful lady at work will find me another job at Nestle.. hahaha.. Oh this office is filled with cute and chio girls, just a pity they are all 20+.. ahh... and mostly attached.. zzz... hahaha..

No no do not mistake, I am not desperate or anything. Its just, all that glamour that I have to pass.. Ahh.. Hahahaha. Damn I should be older.

Ha.

The Art of Living.

2008-01-16T20:46:00.000+08:00

One day at work. Another seemingly normal cycle, yet so full of learning and meaning. It is these many one days that shape one into what he is.

I can't say that so many things have happened out of the ordinary today, however it is the so many things that I learnt that makes it so very different from yesterday or tommorow. It is indeed true that what you learnt today, you can never learn in the same way tommorow, nor could you have learnt it yesterday.

The first thing I learnt was the art of Living. What do I mean by that? It simply means that since I have only sort of "graduated" from schooling life into the real world jsut months back, I find myself surrounded by a completely different scenario.

The real world is not ruled by that of the theory books, that kindness begets kindness and evil begets evil. There will always be someone who will take advantage of your helpfulness and not repay you the same way you expect them to.

For instance, a collegue of mine offered 3 boxes of new year goodies to the cleaners yesterday. She clearly told them, take what you like and put the rest back in the refridgerator. THANK YOU. Well what happened? The obvious. When we searched high and low for the boxes today, the cleaner told us she brought it home. I mean, how thick-skinned can that be?? And more, how silly can my collegue be? Not that I am trying to criticise her or anything, for she is a nice lady with nice intentions, but never trust someone unless you are very sure he/she treats you as you treat them. Of all people, she had to offer them to the cleaners. When I saw her fustrated face today, part of me felt pity and part of me felt the reality of the situation. There are 200+ people working at Nestle. Imagine the number of different personalities. How can one be able to trust and give even without testing their sincerity and friendship. While I may be friendly and all, I find myself trying to feel if one is ally or but a mask. That should be the way in life.

You may say I am calculative. Untrusting. Yet I'd rather know who I trust than trust who I do not know. I will be a thousand times willing to give anything, if only I knew he/she would appreciate it and in certain cases repay me.

Working in such a big company has certainly taught me the art of Living. The art of adapting and the art of wearing a mask. Yes, wearing a mask means to be superficial and pretend. Evil? Not so. It depends on who you wear your mask to. Imagine a whole sea full of crocidiles around you. You have to pretend to be a shark, or they would certainly devour you. Only when you find the group who are vegetarians do you expose your true self. I know this analogy may seem ridiculous, but hopefully the meaning should be clear.

I have met my share of people, the tactless, the mask wearers, those who take advantages, the "elegant", the gossipers, as well as those who sort of " see people" before they decide on their course of action. Every single one requires a different act, an act to perfection, so as to not show that you do indeed know their wolf faces beneath the sheep skin. Smile, talk politely, sound friendly but not such that they think you want to be their friends. At times, even same something nice. Not too much, just to let them know you are not against them. If the act goes wrong. They may discover who you really are behind your mask, the risk involved. As such, the importance in perfecting the art of Living is phenomenal.

Of course I am not advising that one wages a war with the other party, nor do I encourage ignorance of their existance. After all, we are all working in one company and someday they will meet. Imagine the air of coldness, or the murderous glare in their eyes. Not something desirable. The trick is to acknowledge them, but keep them at arms length. Never ever let them know the person behind your mask.

Of course there will be those whom you will find to be true, the ones that appreciate your help, that know you are genuine and are genuine to you. Make more of such friends, gain connections, not to gossip, but to share the daily woes. It is indeed very hard to keep everything that happens in a day to oneself, for there is just so much in life. Sharing them with friends that you can trust is the key to happiness and support in times of fustration.

And also, try not to take what happens to hard. So what if someone takes advantage of you and steals your cookies? So what if one only acts nice to you because they know you are somebody? Never ever show that you know their true selfs. Take everything as a lesson. Keep yourself calm. Curse and scold in the bathroom but keep calm and firm when facing them. Let them know that I know what you did and I am alright with it but I do not like it. If they still do not get the hint, then just let them ignorant fools be. By knowing their true faces, you are already one step ahead of them.

Such things I believe, while present in minute forms in the schooling world, is much much more prominent in the real world. And such lessons need to be learnt. There is no use getting angry with everyone around you and showing your weak side to them. Smile and shrug it off. If your boss pisses you off, get out into a club with your true friends, bitch about him, and come up with ways to settle the problem sweet and nice, once and for all.

Hence I feel it is silly for those to quit just because they are unhappy with their bosses. After all, the longer you stay in a company, the greater a backing you will have against your problems. Let the bosses know that they too cannot work without you. As much as you respect him as a superior, let him know that he should respect you too.

It is a real complex world out there, just take in these lessons, one at a time. Mistakes will fade away but the lessons will always stay with you.

Anyway, will be working with Nestle until this Friday, that is until the person I am temporary replacing comes back. Today had sort of a farewell lunch with my aunties and her khakis. Most of them are pretty nice. One even offered to call me when they have expo fairs to hire me part time. =D

However I will definitely be missing all the time spent gossiping with the friends I made at work, laughing and bitching about evil people ( not gossip as in tell the whole world and not bitching as in degrading one in front of their bosses, but yea.) Definitely will miss the nice people in Nestle. I simply wonder how many of them will follow me as I move on in life. It may be saddening to know that most will not, but that is part and parcel of living. Hopefully, one or two may. =)

Anyway today at work, I was thinking about how I miss writing personal recounts and narratives in secondary school. Miss Mr Lee most of all, and all the technique, the magic and the satisfaction I get when writing those personal experience essays. Not that I am disregarding the satisfaction I gain from putting forth my arguments logically and soundly and strong in argumentative essays, but it is totally different. As I said, there is some kind of magic that engulfs me as I write personal recounts, as when I read novels.

Also I realised that I tend to want to know alot about the friends around me, not because I am kaypo, but because I learn from their life stories, where I gain insight to forming my own judgements and decisions. Ha. I personally do not have alot of personal experience, but what I do have is a large "dictionary of experience". Get what I mean? =)

If I could turn my brain into a novel, I believe there will be a whole collection of short stories, of which are mostly aren't mine. Truthfully, I haven't had many experiences in my almost 19 years of living that I can say I truly lived. My secondary school, while interesting has passed in a blur. Junior college life was good at the start, until the books started kicking in. So yea. However I do believe that I may have short stories of my own. I speak about the Temasek Swim Team. A big step into life, for finally I have friends that I really want for life. The hardships we went through, conflict and mistakes that made us so closely knitted today are definitely an unforgettable journey. Also, Chung Cheng Panther Scouts has been one of my better times too. I miss chilling out with my brothers, playing pranks, punishing and being punished, and all that stuff. Even though we were indeed " forced" to be brothers o.0 , but the things we went through really imprinted something in our lives. And even though I havent seen them in a very long time, I believe that at any time we should meet, we will be able to click as we were before. Those days, of happiness of freedom, of pride and of brotherhood, the everlasting memories.

Many ask where I get all that knowledge I have when I give advice. What I do not tell them is I got them from everyone around me. I ought to think myself as a novelist, inspired by the world around me ( haha =.=). But really, if you care to know, there is so much there you can gain without having to walk through it personally.

Oh yea, I have been looking at my previous post and I believe I have "sort of " repeated myself many times. This I have to apologise, for I tend to type whatever that comes into my mind at the instant. This is because I fear that these thoughts may disappear as fast and as unpredictable as the clouds in the sky. Throughout my days, I have had so many thoughts I wish to pen down but forgotten about when the time to pen them down actually comes. Perhaps I should be more professional to record these thoughts in a notebook. Ha.

And so if you should feel fustrated reading my entries, I apologise and sincerely hope that you will move on to another blog? Not that I am chasing you away, but please do not get mad at my way of thinking. Everyone is different and as an individual and unique being, each and every one of us should know that. =)

I think about so much, and I wonder, how do I still have the time to think about you?

The First post of A New Begining.

2008-01-15T21:21:00.000+08:00

I have decided to delete all my old posts and start afresh again. Looking back, I realised how long a journey it has been, a fruitful, enriching, sometimes painful, but always beautiful memory that will always be a part of me. Perhaps the greatest lesson of all is indeed not taught in the classrooms but in our everyday lives, in and out, in knowledge or in ignorance.

Still, it has passed so fast, like a flashing beam. All that of what I feel importance in back then are but a cloud of thought that I look back now. I wonder, will life always be like that? Is what I believe in and fight for in the present so small a part of my life when I look back 30, 40 years down the road?

Yet I choose to believe not. What we do now, I believe, is an indication for what we are in the future. Is it not that people often look back on life and think " why did I not? " Perhaps if they had planned their actions with the future in mind, every bit executed only to the brim of perfection, then they may look back and smile.

However it is not human to be perfect. A piece of writing has it flaws, as is every human being. Often, things do not go your way. It may demoralise, or in the most devastating cases, kill the soul, to never be sought after again. Yet it is these crucial times that determines the smile or the frown many many years from the day. A simple rule: The determined will emerge victorious over the weak. It may seem rather cruel, even unjustified to determine weakness based on a moment of folly, but that is how it is.

Time waits for no one. It is perhaps the most merciless of all matter that humans have discovered with their talents. If you were weak in that moment, it will most probably come back to haunt you in your later years. Hence to be victorious, one must never give in to weakness, even if no one is watching. While it may sound rather skeptical, philosphical and even repetitive that I say this, it is but a basic theory in human evolution.

Darwin's theory of natural selection, I always remember.

" It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change."

Our universe, our Earth, revolves around this one fundamental rule that causes evolution and distinction of mankind. Who made us the superior race we are? I simply choose to believe nature is the " culprit" of all this. Everyday we see in newspapers, stories of geniuses, of prodigies, of so many intellectual creations we knew not of before. Human as a race is in the stages of evolution. I go the round to show simply that weakness is not a term accepted in our race to be superbeings of the universe.

Disappointment is not a weakness. It is what we do with it that determines. Mistakes too are not weakness. Human beings are in this sense not born with weaknesses. The downturns, obstacles that one faces in life are but justification to the right of the individual to a beating heart in this ever changing world. Simply, it is the certificate of survival. The key is to take setbacks with an open mind. Allow oneself different perspectives, modify goals to fit situations, change as the world changes. Turn the disappointing into the lessons in life. As long as one never gives up, it is almost impossible to deem that one has failed in life.

To give up, is simply not natural, for if one has given all his best, then he hasn't given up. It is the determination and courage we take to face life at the very instant that makes us successfully human. At this, I applaud the courage of those who have faced life's greatest devils, those born with defects, involved in accidents, or simply battling illnesses, and yet standing up against the walls of steel that so threaten to bury them. Me, an abled human being, may never know how much it takes to do so, for I have never been in such situations. Regardless of those who say they are prepared, I strongly believe that there is no preparation and no warning to the disappointment when one's dreams come tumbling down in a very instant. The loss of the ability to talk for a singer, the loss of the hands of a painist, the loss of legs for the climbers, and so many more. It is in these times of darkness where nature seperates the weak and the strong. It is certainly not that god has given up, but simply to test you of your worthiness to existence.

Life in all is beautiful, even for the blind and crippled. It is our level of realisation of this point that makes the difference in disappointment and happiness.

All this said, I still am unsure of my ability to cope with such situations, thats of course, god forbids, such situations do occur. ha.

Why did I decide to revive this blog? This blog that has died so long ago and loss all its loyal supporters. Thats PRECISELY the point why I decided to revive this blog. It is no longer about showmanship and all. I just simply wish to record down these moments in life that will soon become memories. It will be interesting to see what I was thinking today this time many years later. Anyway, my youngest brother had to start a blog too, even though it was for school assignment. The catch was to write the entries in full perfect, complete english. Haha. These new young teachers certainly have a way in teaching their students. Nevertheless, the thought of perfect and complete english attracted me. How satisfying and accomplished it will be to finally be able to blog in style. =D

Anyway, for those who happen to chance upon my blog, I am presently working in Nestle, but will be leaving in 3 days time. Hopefully, Esther may just find another vacancy for me soon. Keeping my fingers crossed.

However if I do not manage to retain the job, its fine. I have decided to train my stamina and take my driving liscence in the time between now and 9th April, my enlistment date into ns. Well, thats the plan and HOPEFULLY, I may adhere to it. =.=

Many things have happened in the past few days. Certain things have left me confused, wondering if all I did was right. The reluctance, all that " he he and ha ha" and stuff. The decision is a tough one to make, one I have pondered almost a year over. I feel that at present, I simply do not have the courage to do so. Maybe one day. Hopefully.

What I do now, I may regret someday. I know that, yet I do not dare choose. How do I decide something I feel could change my life so significantly while I do not know whats in store in the future. I am just not one to take risk. =( If only I have the ability to travel into the future. Ha.

Shall no ponder over this anymore today. I will take what my superior being has in store for me. Something I believe you all term as fate.
=)

Just for sharing, saw it somewhere and I thought it was beautiful:

If you're not the one,

then I know shes out there somewhere,

waiting for me to bump straight into her.

And when that time comes,

I know I'd be the happiest man on Earth.